


This Place Is Too Cold for Hell

by eveninganna



Series: An Error of Comedy [4]
Category: Greek and Roman Mythology
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-26
Updated: 2013-09-26
Packaged: 2017-12-27 17:24:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/981616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eveninganna/pseuds/eveninganna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demeter makes hell freeze over, and Hades is understandably displeased.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Place Is Too Cold for Hell

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunburst_city](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunburst_city/gifts).



On Persephone's first return to Hades - the second winter - Demeter plagued the Underworld with just that: a freezing, relentless winter. (A fact which centuries later, and much to Demeter's amusement, inspired Dante's vision of a cold Hell.)

She'd never liked Hades, and been working on the idea for a while; been mulling it over even before the lowly bastard had the gall to take her Kore from her, but afterwards she had truly found herself set on giving him this particular gem of a predicament. However, the unique aspects of the Underworld - a key one being that it didn't really have  _weather_  - served as roadblocks, and all in all her brilliantly devious plan proved unfortunately difficult.

But Demeter feared not. For she knew something about herself that many forgot, and often at their own peril; she was not just the goddess of Agriculture, as wonderful and truly underappreciated as that was. Oh no, she was so,  _so_ much more than that. If one were to look at her throne, which sits gloriously upon Olympus, closely enough to see the finer details and engravings etched upon it with sacred ink millennia ago, they would see, in very fine print, waaaaay under all the other common titles, the following:

_Demeter Thesmophoros: goddess of determinedness, and fucking shit up in far classier ways than some other female Olympians she could mention._

So, with some hard work, elbow grease, and a lot of bargaining with Circe over the secrets to darker and somewhat questionable magic, Demeter had made her way by the end of Persephone's first six month return to Olympus.

And while it was truly glorious and probably the greatest prank ever played by anyone ever, as many on Olympus agreed, Demeter felt that too many overlooked the stunning poetic justice of it all. But still, she would be lying if she said she didn't enjoy her customary response every time some god asked her about her achievement: a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders, a vague gesture with her wine glass-holding hand, and a simple, "I made Hell freeze over."

**-o-**

Meanwhile, Hades was excessively displeased.

The Underworld had dissolved into chaos, and as if his workday wasn't already packed enough with absurd trials and tests to his sanity, he now had to delegate a dozen more duties so as to keep some  _semblance_ of order until the larger issue was somehow resolved. Having to distribute blankets to those in the Fields of Asphodel as well as the newcomers who were still waiting at the gates was not just inconvenient, it was quite possibly massively inappropriate! Who knew how many of the waiting dead were sociopathic murderers and rapists that would be sent to the Fields of Punishment? Hades certainly wasn't distributing blankets and earmuffs to those already suffering their punishments; in fact, that was proving to be the only upside to his domain freezing over: new and unique additions to the trials of those who led less than exemplary lives before their deaths. Tantalus was still suffering his truly clever punishment of being within hand's reach of food and water and yet never being able to enjoy it, but with the addition of being stuck in the middle of a now-frozen pool of water. And Hades couldn't wait to see how Sisyphus faired his repeated attempts at pushing that ridiculous boulder up that ridiculous hill, now with the added effects of the hill being slick with ice.

It was all rather hilarious, actually.

Hades amusement was short-lived, however. Just the thought of Charon and even more hoards of the waiting dead being stranded on the far end of the now-frozen river Styx was enough to send him back into a dark cloud of frustration. Hades had received a message from Charon almost immediately after this… _Ice Age_ hit his domain, asking how he should ferry the newly dead across the river under the current circumstances, and Hades was  _this close_ to telling him to just ice skate them all across, for all he cared.

It had taken Hades about 0.1 seconds to realize what had happened and  _who_ had made it happen after the frozen tundra had hit, and as much as it pained him he couldn't say he was surprised. He'd never really liked Demeter much, but that was mainly because she'd always seemed to absolutely  _loathe_ him, even before the business with Persephone.

He'd have been a fool to have not expected further retribution from Demeter, but to be perfectly honest, he hadn't expected it quite so soon, and he certainly hadn't expected  _this_. How did she even pull this off? Yes, her transformation of the mortals' land from plentiful crops to barren wastelands during her daughter's, er, disappearance had been extreme and unexpected, but at least it had made  _sense_. How she had managed to spread her powers to  _his_ domain was beyond him, and it not only made him angry, it made him uncomfortable. He'd ruled his land for a very long time with little to no incident - better than his brothers could say - and such a breach in the very fabric of its being was startling to say the least.

As Hades walked back to the castle his boots crunched in the snow that was now underfoot; he shook his head, muttering under his breath to himself. He would probably have to bring this whole affair to Olympus, but he didn't want to be too rash. He knew Persephone loved her mother and he didn't wish for his wife to feel that she was the cause of further animosity between the himself and Demeter. Things had been somewhat...rocky between himself and his new wife since her return, but overall he thought things had been going well. And however unsure he felt about Persephone's feelings or how to approach her much of the time, he knew that the last thing he wanted was to overreact to what was truly a ridiculous, run-of-the-mill Olympian situation, and cause trouble of any sort with Persephone in the process. And so, pulling his fur-lined cloak tighter around himself - it really was absurdly cold - he passed back under the gates to his palace, intent on finding Thanatos and hashing out what the next plan of action was.

When he came to the throne room, he found Persephone, Hecate, and Thanatos sitting on the steps that lead up to his and his wife's thrones; they were all wrapped in fur-lined cloaks and sitting closer than he thought they all normally would, apparently for heat. Thanatos and Hecate were engaged in what looked like their usual correspondence: Hecate firing off her words assuredly and Thanatos looking rather flustered in response. Persephone was looking back and forth between the two of them amusedly - Hades' heart clenched at this. He had been hugely glad and relieved when it had become quickly apparent that she got along with Thanatos and Hecate, even to the point of genuine friendship, it would appear.

"There he is," Hecate said, a little louder as he approached. "We were just talking about you."

Hades made a deliberate attempt to not show how unsettled he was by that prospect. "Oh?"

"Yes, yes," Hecate said, in that smooth, self-assured voice of hers. "And how very predictable this whole ordeal is of you."

Hades started. "Excuse me?"

"Our lord, always stirring up trouble - completely unpredictable and wild." Hecate shook her head, as if massively disappointed in him. "How long must the madness go on?  _When will you be_   _satisfied_?"

"I believe Hecate is employing sarcasm, my lord," Thanatos cut in.

"Yes, I'm aware of that now," Hades said, rolling his eyes. Glancing towards Persephone, he saw that she still looked amused, a slight twinkle in her eyes, a flush on her cheeks. She had a pair of earmuffs on over her long blond hair, and she was hugging her legs to herself - she looked lovely, actually. He realized he was staring when her eyes flickered to his.

Hades broke his gaze, cleared his throat, and looked to Thanatos and Hecate. "So - any ideas as how to handle our current predicament?"

Hecate waved a hand and her notepad appeared before her. "I'm already on it." She held up her notes for the group to see, displaying what looked like a series of complicated mathematical equations. "There's dark magic in this spectacular - if I say so myself - curse. Lady Demeter probably consulted Circe or Medea. Honestly, I'm a little offended she didn't come to  _me_."

Ignoring the borderline-treasonous remarks made by Hecate, Hades took the notes from her, analyzing them closer.

"Isn't this  _algebra_?" he inquired after a few moment, looking at her dubiously.

Hecate took the papers back, holding them protectively. "Algebra and dark magic are very closely linked." She nodded. "The mortals don't know this yet, but they will." She gave a dark laugh. "Oh, they will."

"How long will it take you to complete the counter-curse, then?" Hades asked.

"Not long. In the meantime we'll all just have to bundle up and cuddle up, I suppose." She threw a wink at Thanatos, who would have blushed, Hades was sure, if he didn't have a title such as God of Death to live up to. Instead he justed shifted somewhat uncomfortably.

An uncomfortable silence followed. A few moment passed, and Hades was ready to depart and see to Charon or something, but Persephone spoke, catching him off-guard.

"Did you see Sisyphus?" she said, looking at each of their faces in turn, smiling shyly. "He keeps slipping..." she trailed off, as though uncertain that her amusement was founded.

However, Thanatos, Hecate, and Hades were already smiling.

"Oh, yes," Hecate laughed. "I'm tempted to leave the Underworld in this state just for that continual amusement."

Hades gave her a look. "I don't think it'll be necessary to go  _that_ far," he said. "But we may have to alter the exact terms of his punishment after this all blows over…"

Hecate shrugged and Thanatos raised his eyebrows in agreement, Persephone laughing softly.

"Well, I need to go see to Charon's current dilemma," Hades said, nodding to the group. He wasn't sure how much of a medium between casual and formal he should strike, or even how to do so. "Attempt to go about your days as...normally as possible."

As he was about to turn, Persephone stood, pulling her cloak more tightly around herself. "I'll go with you." He looked at her, surprised, and she added, "If you don't mind."

"Of course not," he said. After a moment's hesitation he held out his arm to her, and she descended from the step she'd been sitting on, taking it and walking out of the throne room with him, leaving Hecate and Thanatos on the steps.

"Look at those crazy kids go," Hecate said once they were gone. "I'd dare to say they may even -" she leaned in closer to Thanatos, bringing her lips to his ear "-  _like_ each other."

Thanatos leaned back, meeting her eyes as steadily as he could in such close proximity. "You are massively inappropriate."

"You wouldn't know what to do with me if I weren't."

"I'll dare to imagine."

"Well," Hecate said, shrugging, "I suppose we'll never know."

"I suppose not."

"Or at least, not until hell freezes over." She met his eyes quickly, and he immediately groaned, seeing exactly where she was going with this. "Or apparently not! Ha-ha-ha!"

"You've been waiting to use that all day, haven't you?" Thanatos sighed.

"Thanny, please - I've been waiting to use that my  _entire life_."

**Author's Note:**

> Bit longer and more serious than most the fics in this series. Also, title's taken from Shakespeare.


End file.
